Album cover by Joanna Krótka
raw Rec Rec by Mefx1
Track 11: Please Be True
Koi and Haskell sat in a tree. The tree was a particularly bulky one in a tiny park by the spot where Koi’s apartment building had once been. Koi was amazed he had managed to climb it at all, though he was glad he did; the branch they sat on was a perfect fit, with smaller branches to keep them from falling.
Koi looked down and Haskell looked up. Koi was wearing an autographed Architecture shirt that Trevor Noirchild had obtained for him. Haskell was wearing a black shirt with an upside-down heart. She was wearing a green jacket. She rested her pinkie on the side of Koi’s hand, and Koi admired her light skin against his darkness; this, the feeling of her smallest finger with its smallest fingernail on his hand, was now life to him. The polish on her fingernail was pink and Koi imagined it was blushing.
When Haskell’s hair moved with the leaves and the branches, Koi could not help but find it all very moving.
‘Nobody knows you’re really romantic,’ said the girl in the tree.
The boy responded. They conversed. The leaves on the tree moved whenever there was wind. The boy liked it when there was wind and he liked it when there wasn’t.
The boy in the tree said—
The girl responded. The boy listened to the girl even though he wasn’t really listening. He heard the sound of her voice but didn’t hear what she was saying – he was an animal, a pet, a baby, reacting to tone in the same way animals, pets and babies do. Soothed by her pleasant tone. Later she would be harsh but right now she was pleasant. That was okay.
‘Don’t think I’m, like, a nerd or anything,’ the girl said. ‘But I have something for you.’
A defensive preface. Words. A gift.
‘Okay.’
Conversation.
The girl pulled something out of her jacket. She gave it to the boy as if she were returning something she had borrowed.
The boy looked at the thing in his hands. It was square and made out of plastic. On the front was a demon with a skull painted on its smooth head, the demon’s massive claws closing in on the words Wav Smasher. A numbered list of titles was on the back.
‘Oh,’ the boy said.
‘It’s just a cd-r. I printed off the cover myself. I mean, I didn’t draw it – that guy I told you about drew it. But the guy who drew it, he put it together and said he can make more of them. You’d have to pay him, though. Not much. But you’d be able to sell the cds at shows.’
Koi looked at the front again.
‘Come on, look at how badass that is,’ Haskell said.
‘Uh, yeah,’ Koi agreed. ‘It does look pretty badass.’
It was one of the greatest physical gifts he had ever received. Something that was for him. Something that made him feel like he had accomplished something. Something that showed him someone had noticed.
He wanted to thank her. He shook her hand.
Gratitude. Awkwardness. A—
‘Your hand is sweaty,’ Haskell said.
‘Uh, I know.’
‘It’s really gross.’
Haskell and Trevor Noirchild are both dead. This is the penultimate chapter (track) of the first part (disc) of Radar Doesn’t Believe In The Supernatural. Koi is—
Koi went to Haskell’s apartment. He went to Trevor Noirchild’s apartment. Koi went to the apartment on Namida Street. Koi knocked on the door and then tried the handle. First he was nervous: he gulped, he was sweating and—
Can a cello signify death? Koi was listening to a compilation of baroque pieces. He was listening to them on his walkman and then—
Well, what of it? Haskell is dead. She was lying in the living room facedown on the floor with an arm on a couch cushion and her life was everywhere. Koi went into the room and his face, his face was dry he bent down he touched the carpet he touched her life, he touched her life it was sticky still warm it was everywhere her—
Trevor Noirchild was in the bathroom. He was okay; he was dead too.
Koi said ‘To hell with this.’
Koi.
It’s enough to have good sense. We have to cling to each other.
Koi walked into one room and walked into another. He had Haskell’s blood on him and Trevor Noirchild’s. He had accidentally smeared blood on his face and hands and it was on his baboon-fur jacket. It was on the knees of his jeans.
He thought about the last time Haskell had yelled at him. She had called him retarded. She had said ‘I looked it up and I think you have Asperger's.’
‘Uh.’
‘I think you’re autistic.’
‘Uh, okay.’
‘You live in a world where only you exist.’
Koi said—
He didn’t say anything.
‘I hate you.’
An expression of frustration. A look of sincerity, coloured by a catch of light in her eyes. She—
Koi never got to hold her. He had had sex with her but failed at anything beyond this basic function. And now her yen for life was all over the living room floor.
A certain uncertainty. Disgust. Dread.
Koi sat on the couch at the end furthest from Haskell’s body. He looked to the side. He looked away from her.
After the police cleaned up and questioned Koi, Koi returned home to his father and step-mother. His father asked him where he had been. His step-mother interrogated him. Koi did not answer either of them in any direct or real way. He went to his room and sat at his desk, pulled up his tracker and put his head in his hands.
‘Everything’s all right,’ Ryan said on the phone.
Koi held the receiver to his face and gazed at the space between the wall and his bed.
‘They know you didn’t do anything.’
Koi nodded slowly.
‘I know you didn’t do anything.’
Koi looked at his computer.
‘Uh, this might be a stupid question,’ Koi said. ‘But do you, uh, steal your ideas? From the internet?’
For a fraction of a second Koi could hear Ryan’s breathing alter minutely.
‘What? No. I may be inspired by things, but I’d never outright steal anything.’
Koi nodded.
‘Are you still going to perform at Phone In Sick tomorrow?’
‘I will. Haskell, uh, got me the show. I don’t want to let her down.’
‘She’s dead, Koi.’
‘I know.’
‘I’ll be there too.’
A telephone conversation; the end of a moment.
Koi hung up the phone.
Koi's Story Continues In Track 12: Title Track
Track 0: Uh
Track 1: The Nerd Wave
Track 2: Playing Koi
Track 3: She had said the only words that could have affected him totally and truly
Track 4: A Sudden Loud Knocking
Track 5: A Two-Man Play to Be Performed on a City Bus
Track 6: Now It's Summer
Track 7: Study of a Drawing by Bobby Myers
Track 8: Loose Change
Track 9: Foam
Track 10: The First Person
Track 11: Please Be True
Track 12: Title Track