A Two-Man Play to Be Performed on a City Bus

Radar Doesn't Believe In The Supernatural

Album cover by Joanna Krótka

Finding Courage In A Sunset by chaosmachine

Track 5: A Two-Man Play to Be Performed on a City Bus

DON and POE step onto a city bus and pay their fares. Both are holding a copy of the SCRIPT for easy reference.

DON: Where do you want to sit?

POE (Coming across the first available seats): This is fine.

DON and POE sit, POE with the window seat if one is available. Otherwise their seating arrangement is to be determined by the actors’ natural inclinations.

DON (Pointing to POE’s nose): You’re dripping.

POE: It’s fine; I’m aware of it. I’ll take care of it if it gets out of hand.

DON: Famous last words, Poe.

POE: Tell me some others.

DON: ‘The fog is rising.’

POE gives DON a quizzical look.

DON: Emily Dickinson. ‘The fog is rising.’

POE: I’m sure it is.

DON: You know what the three greatest artists are, other than humans?

POE: I think I know, but tell me anyway.

(Beat.)

DON: Gorillas, blades and the weather.

POE: How’s that?

DON: They may not have the range of people, but they’re the best at what they do. I’m sure you’ve seen gorillas painting on tv. Not many animals other than humans can paint as well as gorillas. Blades draw blood. Can you think of something that draws blood better than blades? And the weather draws the snot out of your nose.

POE: Interesting. That sounds like something Ryan would say.

DON: It is. I’m paraphrasing him. It made even less sense when he said it.

(Beat.)

POE: Ryan was at the show last night.

DON: So was I.

POE: Ryan didn’t really seem to care. Near the end I think he either hid behind a pillar or snuck out a door. I didn’t see him after the show.

DON: It was a good show.

POE: Me and my looping pedal.

DON: That’s all you really need.

POE: At least Koi stayed. He was with some girl – can you believe that? I thought she was his sister. Koi was actually with a girl.

DON: And she was pretty. She didn’t fall off the back of a truck.

POE: Not many girls do. I think her name was Saskell.

DON: Haskell.

POE: Haskell. Who’s Haskell? She said she was somebody’s sister. Jackson something.

DON: I don’t know. I don’t think he was there. She came and left with Koi.

POE: It’s like he perfected his own personal holodeck and grafted it onto our world. We’re in an episode of Star Trek that Koi personally directed. That’s the only explanation.

DON: It’s because he’s a rock star now. Ryan says he’s been making ‘tracks’.

POE: Yeah, I heard that too. Koi is making music . . . Well, not real music, but electronic stuff. He said his name is Spishack X-17.

DON: I have to hear what he’s making.

POE looks up and reads some of the advertisements on the bus. DON looks out the window and then looks at the SCRIPT.

DON: Are we supposed to get off the bus at some point?

POE: We just have to say our lines and then we can get off.

DON: We should’ve asked for transfers.

POE: Ryan forgot to write it into the script. Actually, I think he wrote it in but then took it out because he didn’t like how the sentence looked in the word file.

DON: Are we allowed to improvise?

POE: No. I don’t know what the consequences of improvising would be, but we’re not supposed to do it. We can only say and do what’s in the script.

DON (Raising hand): So I can’t even raise my hand like this?

POE: That’s in the script.

DON (Making face): What if I make a face?

POE: That’s in the script, too.

DON: What else is in there?

POE: You didn’t read it?

DON: I gave it a good look.

POE: ‘A good look’?

DON: I’m not an actor. I expected we’d read our lines on the bus.

POE: Okay, well, basically everything we’ve already done is in it.

DON: It’s the play that writes itself!

POE: I should ask Ryan if he needs music for the soundtrack.

DON: I think he already asked Koi, but then figured we’d get kicked off the bus if we had a boom box playing behind us.

POE: I really need to hear this ‘music’ that Koi’s been making.

DON: Okay, how about this: we get off the bus and go visit him. We’ll muscle him into playing his tracks for us.

POE: ‘Muscling’ sounds a bit excessive, Don.

DON: I don’t mean literally. Do you know which stop we need to get off at?

POE: We need to get as close to Namida as possible.

DON looks out the window and then back to POE.

DON: I have no idea where that is.

POE: I’ll hit the thing when we’re close. You didn’t have any other plans today?

DON: Nope. I cleared my schedule for the play. That’s the only thing I really expected to do.

POE: I think we passed Namida.

DON: That’s fine. We still have some lines to get through (DON flips through the script.) A couple more pages, actually.

POE: What are we supposed to do next?

DON: You didn’t read the script?

POE: Well . . .

DON (Carefully reading the SCRIPT): Okay, according to this we’re supposed to talk about Koi again. (DON points to a line on POE’s SCRIPT.) That’s your next line.

POE: This one?

DON: Yup. I think Koi would enjoy this if he was here.

POE: Why isn’t he?

DON: He told me in an email that he’s working hard on some website templates. I don’t know what ‘working hard’ encompasses. He could be playing videogames, or whatever it is he does at his apartment.

POE: He tells me that he usually drinks tea and stares at walls.

DON: Whatever it is, it must be working out for him if he has a girlfriend.

POE: Haskell.

DON: Haskell the Saskell.

POE: She must be a cousin or something.

DON: We’ll ask Koi.

POE: That should be fun. I want to see him blush and stutter. It should be more fun than the play.

DON: Oh?

POE: I don’t like the idea of him being some androgynous, asexual creature like David Bowie.

DON: I don’t really know all that much about David Bowie.

POE: I want to see him squirm.

DON: That sounds kind of sadistic, Poe.

POE: Koi exists as a manifestation of awkwardness. I like to see what happens when that awkwardness is pushed to its limit.

DON: Is Koi going to like that?

POE: Why would that matter? What matters is if I like it.

DON: Do you, Poe?

POE: Hm? Of course I do. You know, it’s fascinating – I think he’s most comfortable in his uncomfortableness. And nothing makes him more uncomfortable than women or talking about women.

DON: And now he has a woman.

POE: Yeah. We’ll have to ask him about it.

DON: Are we anywhere near Namida right now?

POE: No, but we’ll get off at the next stop. We can catch a bus that’ll take us straight to his building.

POE pulls the string.

DON: Hopefully Koi is home.

POE: You could call him on your cell.

DON: I would, but it’s not in the script.

DON and POE step off the bus at the next stop.

POE (Wiping his nose): We should’ve grabbed transfers.

DON: It’s all right. We’ll be freed of the script soon enough.

POE: Yeah?

DON: We’re not even on the bus anymore.

POE: Yeah, I suppose so.

DON and POE walk along the sidewalk.

POE: It’s really misty today. You can’t even see the top of that building.

DON and POE look up at a building in the distance.

POE: How long has that thing been under construction for, anyway?

DON: I don’t know.

POE: I like how you can just barely make out the lights from the crane. The whole building is fading into the sky.

DON: We’re not on the bus anymore, Poe.

DON and POE fold their SCRIPTS and cross the street.

Koi's Story Continues In Track 6: Now It's Summer

Track 0: Uh
Track 1: The Nerd Wave
Track 2: Playing Koi
Track 3: She had said the only words that could have affected him totally and truly
Track 4: A Sudden Loud Knocking
Track 5: A Two-Man Play to Be Performed on a City Bus
Track 6: Now It's Summer
Track 7: Study of a Drawing by Bobby Myers
Track 8: Loose Change
Track 9: Foam
Track 10: The First Person
Track 11: Please Be True
Track 12: Title Track

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	Radar Doesn't Believe In The Supernatural Album cover by Joanna Krótka Finding Courage In A Sunset by chaosmachine Track 5: A Two-Man Play to Be Performed on a City Bus DON and POE step onto a city bus and pay their fares. Both are holding a copy of the SCRIPT for easy reference. DON: Where do you want to sit? POE (Coming across the first available seats): This is fine. DON and POE sit, POE with the window seat if one is available. Otherwise their seating arrangement is to be determined by the actors’ natural inclinations. DON (Pointing to POE’s nose): You’re dripping. POE: It’s fine; I’m aware of it. I’ll take care of it if it gets out of hand. DON: Famous last words, Poe. POE: Tell me some others. DON: ‘The fog is rising.’ POE gives DON a quizzical look. DON: Emily Dickinson. ‘The fog is rising.’ POE: I’m sure it is. DON: You know what the three greatest artists are, other than humans? POE: I think I know, but tell me anyway. (Beat.) DON: Gorillas, blades and the weather. POE: How’s that? DON: They may not have the range of people, but they’re the best at what they do. I’m sure you’ve seen gorillas painting on tv. Not many animals other than humans can paint as well as gorillas. Blades draw blood. Can you think of something that draws blood better than blades? And the weather draws the snot out of your nose. POE: Interesting. That sounds like something Ryan would say. DON: It is. I’m paraphrasing him. It made even less sense when he said it. (Beat.) POE: Ryan was at the show last night. DON: So was I. POE: Ryan didn’t really seem to care. Near the end I think he either hid behind a pillar or snuck out a door. I didn’t see him after the show. DON: It was a good show. POE: Me and my looping pedal. DON: That’s all you really need. POE: At least Koi stayed. He was with some girl – can you believe that? I thought she was his sister. Koi was actually with a girl. DON: And she was pretty. She didn’t fall off the back of a truck. POE: Not many girls do. I think her name was Saskell. DON: Haskell. POE: Haskell. Who’s Haskell? She said she was somebody’s sister. Jackson something. DON: I don’t know. I don’t think he was there. She came and left with Koi. POE: It’s like he perfected his own personal holodeck and grafted it onto our world. We’re in an episode of Star Trek that Koi personally directed. That’s the only explanation. DON: It’s because he’s a rock star now. Ryan says he’s been making ‘tracks’. POE: Yeah, I heard that too. Koi is making music . . . Well, not real music, but electronic stuff. He said his name is Spishack X-17. DON: I have to hear what he’s making. POE looks up and reads some of the advertisements on the bus. DON looks out the window and then looks at the SCRIPT. DON: Are we supposed to get off the bus at some point? POE: We just have to say our lines and then we can get off. DON: We should’ve asked for transfers. POE: Ryan forgot to write it into the script. Actually, I think he wrote it in but then took it out because he didn’t like how the sentence looked in the word file. DON: Are we allowed to improvise? POE: No. I don’t know what the consequences of improvising would be, but we’re not supposed to do it. We can only say and do what’s in the script. DON (Raising hand): So I can’t even raise my hand like this? POE: That’s in the script. DON (Making face): What if I make a face? POE: That’s in the script, too. DON: What else is in there? POE: You didn’t read it? DON: I gave it a good look. POE: ‘A good look’? DON: I’m not an actor. I expected we’d read our lines on the bus. POE: Okay, well, basically everything we’ve already done is in it. DON: It’s the play that writes itself! POE: I should ask Ryan if he needs music for the soundtrack. DON: I think he already asked Koi, but then figured we’d get kicked off the bus if we had a boom box playing behind us. POE: I really need to hear this ‘music’ that Koi’s been making. DON: Okay, how about this: we get off the bus and go visit him. We’ll muscle him into playing his tracks for us. POE: ‘Muscling’ sounds a bit excessive, Don. DON: I don’t mean literally. Do you know which stop we need to get off at? POE: We need to get as close to Namida as possible. DON looks out the window and then back to POE. DON: I have no idea where that is. POE: I’ll hit the thing when we’re close. You didn’t have any other plans today? DON: Nope. I cleared my schedule for the play. That’s the only thing I really expected to do. POE: I think we passed Namida. DON: That’s fine. We still have some lines to get through (DON flips through the script.) A couple more pages, actually. POE: What are we supposed to do next? DON: You didn’t read the script? POE: Well . . . DON (Carefully reading the SCRIPT): Okay, according to this we’re supposed to talk about Koi again. (DON points to a line on POE’s SCRIPT.) That’s your next line. POE: This one? DON: Yup. I think Koi would enjoy this if he was here. POE: Why isn’t he? DON: He told me in an email that he’s working hard on some website templates. I don’t know what ‘working hard’ encompasses. He could be playing videogames, or whatever it is he does at his apartment. POE: He tells me that he usually drinks tea and stares at walls. DON: Whatever it is, it must be working out for him if he has a girlfriend. POE: Haskell. DON: Haskell the Saskell. POE: She must be a cousin or something. DON: We’ll ask Koi. POE: That should be fun. I want to see him blush and stutter. It should be more fun than the play. DON: Oh? POE: I don’t like the idea of him being some androgynous, asexual creature like David Bowie. DON: I don’t really know all that much about David Bowie. POE: I want to see him squirm. DON: That sounds kind of sadistic, Poe. POE: Koi exists as a manifestation of awkwardness. I like to see what happens when that awkwardness is pushed to its limit. DON: Is Koi going to like that? POE: Why would that matter? What matters is if I like it. DON: Do you, Poe? POE: Hm? Of course I do. You know, it’s fascinating – I think he’s most comfortable in his uncomfortableness. And nothing makes him more uncomfortable than women or talking about women. DON: And now he has a woman. POE: Yeah. We’ll have to ask him about it. DON: Are we anywhere near Namida right now? POE: No, but we’ll get off at the next stop. We can catch a bus that’ll take us straight to his building. POE pulls the string. DON: Hopefully Koi is home. POE: You could call him on your cell. DON: I would, but it’s not in the script. DON and POE step off the bus at the next stop. POE (Wiping his nose): We should’ve grabbed transfers. DON: It’s all right. We’ll be freed of the script soon enough. POE: Yeah? DON: We’re not even on the bus anymore. POE: Yeah, I suppose so. DON and POE walk along the sidewalk. POE: It’s really misty today. You can’t even see the top of that building. DON and POE look up at a building in the distance. POE: How long has that thing been under construction for, anyway? DON: I don’t know. POE: I like how you can just barely make out the lights from the crane. The whole building is fading into the sky. DON: We’re not on the bus anymore, Poe. DON and POE fold their SCRIPTS and cross the street. Koi's Story Continues In Track 6: Now It's Summer Track 0: Uh Track 1: The Nerd Wave Track 2: Playing Koi Track 3: She had said the only words that could have affected him totally and truly Track 4: A Sudden Loud Knocking Track 5: A Two-Man Play to Be Performed on a City Bus Track 6: Now It's Summer Track 7: Study of a Drawing by Bobby Myers Track 8: Loose Change Track 9: Foam Track 10: The First Person Track 11: Please Be True Track 12: Title Track