Illustrations by Alison Berry
Guest art by Angie Hoffmeister
Episode 11: Pop & Tea
Hana, James and Henri sat around the living room table in Henri’s impossibly large apartment, taking sips from giant cans of green tea. His family’s apartment was somehow larger than James’ house, and the apartment building had two indoor pools, one of which the trio had just come back from.
‘I suppose this means you’re feeling better?’ Henri asked Hana.
‘Yeah, I think I threw up all the bad stuff in one shot,’ she said. ‘I’m fit as a fiddle now.’
‘A dandruff fiddle,’ James said.
‘That’s not even remotely funny or clever,’ Hana said.
‘I don’t think I even understand what it means,’ Henri said.
They were damp and thirsty but the sunshine pouring in through the large windows along with the cans of green tea that were half the size of their arms helped alleviate these minor discomforts. James played Landstalker on Henri’s Genesis while they sipped and talked, but it was not interesting to watch since he was as bad at video games as the rest of them; that was why the only video game system between them was a relic that nobody else had heard of and the only person who really played it was Henri’s dad. They thought it was pretty lame and quickly turned it off, instead opting to stare at the sun through the window and see who blinked first. That was a game they were all pretty good at and in fact they all blinked at the same time.
They all blinked at the same time because something flew past that was even brighter than the sun, something so bright that it temporarily blinded them.
‘Bleh!’ cried Henri.
‘Blargh!’ cried James.
‘Gah! Gah gah gah!’ cried Hana, and James and Henri thought a strange bird had broken in through the window.
They all rubbed their eyes and groped in the whiteness that flooded their vision, resulting in James grabbing Hana’s nose and Henri knocking over James’ tea can.
‘I hope that wasn’t mine,’ Hana called out nasally.
‘I hope it doesn’t stain the carpet,’ Henri said.
‘Let’s all just stop moving around until we can see again,’ James told them, for once being the voice of reason. Everyone managed to remain completely still while their eyes readjusted to the room’s natural lighting.
James’ eyes readjusted first, but he did not tell anyone, instead using the opportunity to switch his empty can with Hana’s half full one. He tried not to chortle at his own cleverness.
The others finally blinked the world back to normal.
‘Is everyone all right?’ Hana asked.
‘I’m fine,’ Henri said. ‘It looks like the carpet didn’t stain after all.’
‘I’m okay,’ James said, half a smile curling his lips. ‘How about you?’
‘I—’ Hana stopped herself when she looked at the table. ‘My tea! My tea! We got a man down!’ She then picked up the corpse of James’ tea can with tenderness and longing. ‘Oh, why did it have to go so young?’
Henri got off the couch, took the can from her hands and disposed of it in the kitchen. Hana looked broken-hearted when he returned, her eyes having immediately darted to his empty hands.
‘I don’t get another one?’ she asked sadly.
‘We’re not made of giant cans of tea,’ Henri told her as he sat back down.
‘But I thought your family was rich!’
‘We’re as rich as your family is,’ Henri said. ‘We have a nice place since my parents try not to waste any money.’
‘Anyway, what just happened?’ James asked after taking a sip of Hana’s tea. ‘Did the sun just explode for a second or something?’
‘It was like a phoenix flashing by,’ Hana said. ‘Or maybe it was a UFO.’
Henri got off the couch again and looked out the window. From his view the city was comprised of white buildings and dense green foliage. Everything seemed to be completely normal, with no shining metallic objects in the sky or burning birds swooping low across the river. He turned back to the others and shrugged.
‘Nothing,’ he said.
‘Well, whatever it was, I hope I don’t have to end up fighting it later,’ Hana said. ‘I’m sick of fighting things. In fact, last time I really did get sick.’
‘I actually think it’s kind of cool,’ James admitted. ‘I mean, it’s so superhero.’
‘You normally need a superpower to be a superhero,’ explained Henri.
James and Hana were peculiarly silent for a moment.
‘But Batman doesn’t have any superpowers and he’s a superhero,’ James said.
‘Batman isn’t a superhero,’ Henri said.
‘Why don’t you tell that to his face?’ James said.
‘Because he doesn’t actually exist,’ Henri said.
James dejectedly took another sip of Hana’s tea.
‘We could call James “Batman” since he always carries around his baseball bat,’ Hana said.
‘I’m pretty sure Batman is trademarked,’ Henri told her. ‘You can’t just take an established name like that and apply it to something else. There are copyright laws.’
‘Maybe we should stop talking about him, then,’ Hana said.
‘Who, Batman?’ James asked.
‘Shh!’
They went on to talk about other things instead, which was a relief to Hana. She did not like talking about the idea of her becoming a superhero because she felt it was too obvious an inevitability, that one day she would simply don a custom dandruff costume and go around the city protecting it from absurd monsters. She preferred vanquishing the monsters that were a clear threat to her friends, her family and herself; those were the only ones that seemed to be around anyway. Actually, she did not even prefer that. She would rather return to a quiet life where the only thing she had to worry about was wearing black tops.
Henri’s parents entered the apartment and the trio asked them if they had noticed any bright flashes of light. They said that they had not.
‘It was probably just a passing jet,’ Henri’s father told them. ‘Nothing to get so worked up about.’
‘He’s right,’ James said. ‘We should probably just forget about it.’
‘You’re pretty good at forgetting things,’ Hana said to James, referring to his profession of like.
‘I forget nothing,’ James replied.
‘You forget the answers to tests,’ Hana retaliated.
‘I would have to actually know the answers first in order to forget them,’ he responded proudly.
‘That’s not something you should be proud about.’
‘Why don’t you guys go and enjoy the hot sun while it’s out?’ suggested Henri’s father. ‘I have some business to attend to in here, and it requires a lot of focus.’
‘He means the game machine,’ Henri said. His father nodded gravely.
They left the apartment, and as soon as they were out the door James questioned why they had been forced out. Henri shrugged.
‘He just gets really into it,’ he said. ‘He wears a special hat and everything.’
‘What’s with adults and their special hats?’ Hana asked.
‘I think that’s a mystery we may never be able to solve,’ Henri said.
‘So what do you guys want to do now that the sit-around-and-drink-tea party has been cut short?’ James asked them.
‘I know what we won’t do,’ Hana said. ‘We won’t go around trying to find the source of that flash of light. And if we do somehow accidentally manage to stumble across it, then you guys get to fight whatever gross alien it turns out to be. Is that clear?’
‘Uh, I think that’s clear,’ Henri said.
‘Clear as a fiddle,’ James said.
‘Fiddles aren’t clear,’ Henri told James.
‘Well, they should be.’
They decided to take the stairs down since it meant they could run, bump, bounce and slide down to the first floor instead of standing still as a cylindrical tube slowly lowered them. Danger was fine with Hana as long as it had some real world connotations and did not involve dandruff monsters from outer space. Plus all elevators were boring to her with the exception of the glass ones on the outside of some buildings.
By the time they reached the first floor they had exhausted the last of their energy and crawled out the door. The hot sun that Henri’s father had recommended to them ended up wearing them out even more. Their first plan of action was to find a pop machine and score some of the sweet, cold, caffeinated beverages that always seemed to give them temporary energy. They found one on the outside of a Very Convenience Variety Mart and fed it their change.
‘Today has been one very lazy day,’ Hana commented. ‘I mean, outside of swimming and the crazy light and everything.’
‘Agreed,’ Henri said.
They sat around the vending machine and drank their pops while sweating under the sun. Everything seemed to be soaked in gold.
‘Oh, guess who I saw yesterday,’ Hana said to Henri.
‘Do I really have to guess?’
‘I bet it was that guy Henri hates,’ James said after gulping down the fizzing liquid.
‘What guy?’ Hana asked.
‘You know,’ James said confidentially.
‘No, I don’t.’
‘I don’t know, either,’ Henri said.
‘Man, can’t a guy make something up in peace?’ cried James.
‘Um, okay. Anyway, I saw Pitaya. She looked—’
‘Ravishing,’ Henri finished.
‘Wow! Right out of the box. Do you still deny you have feelings for her?’
‘I have feelings for everybody,’ Henri said blandly.
‘Yeah, he has some really hateful feelings towards that one dude,’ James added, making a karate chop motion with his hand.
‘Just stop talking, James,’ Hana said. ‘Anyway, how about we go visit her for a bit? We haven’t really hung out with her since that one time.’
‘You mean that time things got crazy weird and we stayed as far away from her as possible?’ James asked.
‘Pretty much.’
‘Okay, I’m for it,’ James said. ‘Let’s go visit Pitaya.’
‘I was mostly asking Henri,’ Hana said. ‘But I don’t think he can hear us over his blushing.’
‘I’m not blushing,’ Henri said defiantly as he blushed, ‘but if you know where Pitaya lives then let’s go ring her up. It’ll be a nice way to end the day.’
‘As long as she doesn’t sing,’ James added. Everyone could not help but agree.
They stood up and deposited their cans in a nearby recycling receptacle. Hana was in charge of leading the way since she was the only one of them who knew where Pitaya lived, and as they walked Henri stored the directions in his memory. By the time they reached Pitaya’s house they all had to pee really, really badly due to all the pop and tea they had drank.
Pitaya answered Hana’s wild knocking and, beyond her delight in seeing her friends again, wondered what all the commotion was about.
‘For the love of god,’ James cried.
‘I don’t get it,’ Pitaya said. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘We really, really need to go to the washroom,’ Henri told her. ‘It’s a pleasure to see you again, by the way.’
‘You too,’ Pitaya said. ‘Come inside – the washroom’s upstairs. Just don’t, er, go to the washroom all at once.’
‘We’re not animals,’ James told her, slightly offended.
‘You used to be,’ Pitaya reminded him, and he had to shut his mouth at that.
The trio entered the house and flew up the stairs. Henri managed to reach the washroom first, with Hana in second place and James in third. After they relieved themselves they floated back down to the main floor.
‘I guess we can go now,’ James said.
‘No!’ Hana said. ‘We came here to visit Pitaya.’
‘Oh, yeah. How you doing, Pitaya?’
‘Um, pretty rad, I guess. Did you guys want to hang out?’
‘That is exactly what we want to do,’ Henri said with a certain level of intensity.
‘Sure, okay, I think I’m up for that. I don’t think I have any homework or anything right now. Do you want to hang out inside or outside?’
‘Do you have an air conditioner?’ Hana asked.
‘Yeah, we have central air.’
‘Then inside,’ Hana said, nearly salivating at the prospect of cold air.
‘Okay, let me go ask my parents.’ Pitaya retreated further into her house and the trio soon heard low talking coming from what was presumably the living room. When the pink-skinned girl returned she was carrying a disappointed expression.
‘Outside,’ she said, sighing.
‘Booo,’ James said quietly.
The group left the house and the sun seemed to wink at them. The wink was actually another bright flash of light that temporarily blinded everyone, and the main trio were quick to tell Pitaya not to move until she could see again. Once their eyes readjusted they looked all over the sky for the source of the insane light, but all they could find was a tiny, miniature jet swirling around above them. The jet had a completely silver exterior.
‘Wait a minute,’ Hana said, and as soon as she did so the jet flew past the sun, once more bouncing pure white brightness into their eyes.
‘I guess your dad was right,’ James said to Henri as he rubbed his eyes.
‘I don’t get it,’ Pitaya said as she rubbed her eyes as well. ‘What just happened?’
‘Apparently someone is flying around a really shiny remote-controlled jet,’ Henri said, ‘and they may or may not be trying to blind us with it.’
‘How awful!’
‘That thing must be expensive,’ James said, blinking the last of the spots out of his vision. ‘Who do we know that could afford such a thing?’
The answer was Jack, of course. Nobody even had to say it out loud. But then Hana realised that she should say it out loud, if only for Pitaya’s sake.
‘It must be Jack,’ she said, and then she turned to Pitaya. ‘He’s a rich boy we met while making our movie. The cat in it is actually his.’
‘You mean that talking cat was real?’ Pitaya asked, eyes wide and mouth agape. ‘I thought there was something strange about it. It seemed a bit too real to be a puppet.’
‘Puppets are real,’ James said.
‘I mean—’
‘Don’t pay any attention to James,’ Hana told her. ‘Yes, the cat is real.’
‘And the talking cat you mentioned before?’ Pitaya asked, her heart pounding a strong, steady beat. ‘And the lobsters?’
‘They’re all real too,’ Hana admitted, ‘along with when you turned us into animals. That was real as well.’
‘I knew that,’ Pitaya said. ‘But the other things . . . I have a thing for stuffed animals. There’s pretty much an entire kingdom of them in my room. So to hear that those things really exist! I dunno. I think I’m just really, really happy right now.’
‘That’s a lot better than being utterly freaked out,’ Hana said.
There was the sound of something whooshing through the air and they looked to see a large stone heading on a trajectory for the miniature jet. It missed, or rather the jet manoeuvred around it, swooping and realigning itself with expert precision. They then looked to James, the only one of them who could have thought it a good idea to throw something at the jet.
‘What are you doing?!’ Hana exclaimed in fright. ‘What if it has little machine guns or something?’
‘Little machine guns mean little bullets,’ James said. ‘Nothing to be afraid of. Besides, you’re just letting your imagination get the better of you. There’s no way that thing has any weaponry of any sort.’ He then paused to see if it would fire at them after giving that statement. Instead it continued flying around, seemingly in quest of something. ‘See? Anyway, I figure that whoever owns that thing would want to run over here and yell at us if they saw us throwing things at it.’
‘You mean if they saw you throwing that stone at it,’ Hana said, her arms now crossed.
‘Whatever. I thought it was a good idea.’
‘I actually agree with James,’ Henri said, and everyone gasped. ‘Well, not that we should actually be trying to hit the jet, but getting the pilot’s attention would probably be the best way of solving this mystery. There’s no telling where they are.’
‘Wait, did you just say that there’s a tiny little pilot inside that thing?’ Pitaya asked, her finger pointing straight into the sky.
‘Oh, no. Sorry. By “pilot” I meant whoever is working the controls, here on the ground.’
‘Oh,’ Pitaya said, slightly disappointed.
‘So are you saying we should actually try throwing things?’ Hana asked Henri.
‘Yup,’ Henri answered, and he threw a penny in the general direction of the jet.
Hana nodded and then both she and Pitaya started throwing various rocks and trash up at the jet, which weaved through the projectiles effortlessly.
‘Hey!’ James cried. ‘Why do you guys listen to him and not me?’
Hana shrugged. ‘Because he’s Henri and you’re James,’ she said. Pitaya nodded.
‘Hey! Don’t nod!’ He then sighed and joined in on the assault. Eventually the jet retreated behind some bushes across the street and a small figure came out, holding onto the miniature and its remote controls. Even though the figure was far away they could still make out how angry it was, especially as it began running towards them – anger seemed to fume off the figure like steam from a boiling kettle.
The figure soon became a blonde boy with a burgundy suit, and the quartet had their confirmation that the pilot was Jack. He looked them each in the eye before saying hello.
‘Hi, Jack,’ Hana greeted the boy; apparently she was in charge of Angry Little Boy Relations. ‘We’re sorry about throwing things at your jet but it seemed like it was trying to blind us. Um . . . you weren’t trying to blind us, were you?’
‘Of course not!’ Jack shouted, nearly spitting all over her shirt. ‘I’m trying to find Gorey. You told me he’d be at the pet store but he wasn’t there. I had my parents buy this jet which has a camera in it, and I can see the image on the remote control screen here. See?’ He then showed them the lcd screen in the middle of the remote controls and they were all suitably impressed. ‘I want Gorey back! Help me find Gorey!’
‘What’s Gorey?’ Pitaya asked the group.
‘It was the cat in our movie,’ Hana explained. ‘He’s Jack’s cat, sort of. In a way. Anyway, the last time we saw him he was at the pet store, but I guess he escaped or something. Do you know what happened, Jack?’
‘The ugly man at the pet store said Gorey vanished,’ Jack said.
‘Which probably means that Gorey broke out,’ Hana said. ‘How long’ve you been looking for him for?’
‘A couple of days,’ Jack said. ‘My parents had a helicopter out searching for him but that was only for a day. I don’t give up as easily as they do so I had them get me the jet.’
‘Have you tried leaving food out for him?’ James asked.
‘Yes, of course,’ Jack answered impatiently. ‘I leave out a full course meal for him every night, but some gross, dirty animal comes out and eats it instead.’
‘Maybe the gross, dirty animal is Gorey,’ Henri offered.
Jack opened his mouth but did not say anything.
‘I think you broke him,’ Pitaya said to Henri.
By now Jack had turned completely red in the face. ‘How dare you say that about Gorey!’ he cried. ‘How dare!’
‘Or not,’ Pitaya said nervously.
‘Think about it, Jack,’ Henri said patiently. ‘If he had just escaped from the pet store, where would he want to go first? Probably the one place he knew he’d always have food waiting for him. And I’m sure that by the time he got there he’d be a pretty dirty cat, since he’d have to cut through all those grimy alleyways before he even reached the forest.’
‘It did look sort of cat-shaped,’ Jack admitted, though with obvious reservations. ‘But how would we make sure that it’s Gorey?’
Everyone stared blankly into space as they tried to think of an answer, even Pitaya who barely understood what the question was.
‘Idea!’ Hana suddenly shouted, pounding her fist into the palm of her hand. The others jumped at her exclamation, then pricked up their ears to hear what the idea was. ‘We’ll leave out an orange afro, and if the animal thing puts it on then we’ll know that it’s Gorey for sure!’
‘Not bad,’ James said.
‘I can think of nothing more perfect,’ Henri said.
‘This is so strange and adorable,’ Pitaya said. She looked like she was about to tear up.
‘Okay, we’ll try your plan,’ Jack said. ‘Meet me at my place later and I should have an orange afro ready. My parents can get anything in a matter of minutes.’
‘Except for Gorey,’ James said. Everyone looked at him, with Jack glaring at him the hardest; then Jack glared at everyone else before scurrying off.
‘Do we know where he lives?’ Pitaya asked the trio, once the uneasy atmosphere had diminished.
‘In the mansion in the forest,’ Hana told her.
Pitaya thought about it for a moment. ‘Somehow that makes a lot of sense,’ she said.
Hana, James, Henri and Pitaya all stood behind a tree, each of them holding a monstrously tall can of tea. Jack stood with them, holding onto a golden can of pop. They were standing off to the side of the entrance to Jack’s mansion, which was where Gorey’s trough was, overflowing with fish and other fine foods. Halfway between the trough and the group’s hiding place was a brand new, bright orange afro, sparkling under the setting sun. They watched it intently as they sipped their drinks.
‘Any minute now,’ James said.
‘You think Gorey’ll come out that soon?’ Hana asked.
‘No, I mean any minute now my bladder will explode. I can’t believe I drank that much tea.’ He looked down at the three empty cans set neatly by his feet.
‘You’re the one who asked Jack to bring them out.’
‘Yeah, but I didn’t expect him to bring that much. Now I really gotta pee, but I don’t want to miss out on Gorey. This sucks.’
‘Just hold it in.’
James moaned. ‘I’m gonna go pee on that rock over there. You guys call me if Gorey comes.’
Hana nodded and James crept past the others as he headed towards a large, pee-worthy rock behind them. There was total silence for a few moments, with the rare exception of the rustling of leaves. Then came the onrushing splash of urine as it exploded against and cascaded down the rock. Henri shook his head in distaste as Hana and Pitaya tried not to giggle; Jack quietly sipped his pop, trying to ignore everything except for the orange afro.
James came back as soon as a dirty cat slinked onto the front yard. He was about to brag about how much he had peed but everyone shushed him before he had the chance.
‘It’s going for the afro,’ Hana whispered with great intensity.
Sure enough, the dirty cat was taking a few hesitant steps towards the afro. It sniffed it, circled it, and then sniffed it again before taking a few suspicious glances around it. Once it assumed that the coast was clear, the cat took the afro into its paws and set it firmly on its head. Then it stood up on its hind legs, wobbled a bit and fell back down.
‘It’s Gorey,’ Hana said.
Jack dropped his pop and burst from the cover of the tree as he rushed towards the cat. Gorey’s reflexes must have been a bit out of practice because he only turned to see what all the commotion was about the moment before Jack picked him up.
‘Blah!’ Gorey cried. ‘I knew it was a trap!’ He tried to wriggle free but Jack’s grip was far too strong for him.
‘Gorey!’ the boy cried happily. ‘I knew you’d be back!’
‘Lemme go, man! You’re squeezin’ too hard!’
‘I’ll let you go if you promise not to run away again,’ Jack told the cat.
‘Okay, man. Just lemme go.’
Jack let go of Gorey and the cat landed gracefully on his feet. ‘Phew,’ the cat said. ‘Listen, man, I’m really sorry about what happened before. Being a burglar just happens to be in my blood. I can’t help it sometimes. I was planning on putting everything back, I swear.’
‘I don’t care about that,’ Jack said. ‘I just don’t like the idea of something I own running away from me. Now come on, I need to give you a bath.’
Gorey froze in open-mouthed horror, giving Jack enough time to grab the cat by the scruff of his neck and carry him off into the mansion; he let out a wail that would haunt the children for the rest of their lives.
‘So that was interesting,’ Henri said as he sipped his tea.
‘I don’t get it,’ Pitaya said. ‘Was that a happy reunion or . . . or what? What was that?’
‘I, um, don’t think it’s our place to question it,’ Hana said. ‘Or something.’
‘This might be another one of those things that’s best if we forget all about it,’ James said. The others agreed. They sipped their tea.
To Be Continued In Episode Twelve: Dan Druff
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8
Episode 9
Episode 10
Episode 11
Episode 12
Episode 13
Episode 14
Episode 15
Volume 2
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